I love a
good bum on a woman, it makes my day.
To me it is palpable
proof of God's existence, a posteriori.
Also I love breasts
and arms and ankles, elbows, knees;
It's the tongue, the
tongue, the tongue on a woman that spoils the job for me.
Please understand I respect and admire the frailer sex
honour them every bit as much as the next misogynist.
give some women the ghost of a chance to talk and thereupon
They go on again, on again, on again, on again, on again, on again, on.
I fell in love with a woman with wonderful thighs and hips
And a sensational belly. I just never noticed her lips were always
Only when we got to the altar and she had to say "I
And she folded her arms and gathered herself and took in
a breath and I knew
She could have gone on again, on again,
on again till the entire
Congregation passed out and the
vicar passed on and the choirboys passed through puberty.
the reception I gloomily noted her family's jubilant mood,
Their maniacal laughter and their ghastly gratitude.
She talks to me when I go for a shave or a sleep or a swim.
She talks to me on a Sunday when I go singing hymns and drinking
When I go mending my chimney pot she's down there in
And at ninety-five on my motorbike she's on the
Wittering on again, on again, on and again and
When I'm eating or drinking or reading or thinking or
when I'm saying my rosary.
She will never stop talking to me;
she is one of those women who
Will never use three or four
words when a couple of thousand will easily do!
She also talks without stopping to me in our bed of a night;
Throughout the sweetest of our intimate delights she never gives over.
Not even stopping while we go hammer and tongs towards the peak -
Except maybe for a sigh and a groan and one perfunctory shriek.
Then she goes on again, on again, on again on and I must
Assume that she has never noticed that she's just been interrupted.
Totally unruffled she is, and as far as I can see
just as well have been posting a letter or stirring up the tea!
She will not take a hint, not once she's made a start.
I can yawn or belch or bleed or faint or fart - she'll not drop a
I could stand in front of her grimly sharpening up
I could sprinkle her with paraffin, and ask her for a
She'd just go on again, on again, on again even more.
The hind leg of a donkey is peanuts for her, she can bore the balls off
"Mother of God," I cried one day, "Oh, let your
"And in the meantime, Mother, could you strike
this bugger dumb?"
Well, believe it or not, she
appeared to me then and there:
The Blessed Virgin herself, in
answer to my prayer, despite the vulgarity,
softly, dressed in blue and holding up a hand.
I cocked a
pious ear as the Mother of God began.
Well she went on again,
on again, on again, on, and I
Will have to state how very
much I sympathise with the rest of the family.
women the ghost of a chance to talk and thereupon
They go on
again, on again, on again, on again,
And again, and again,
and again, and again
They will go on again, on again, on
again, on again, on again, on again, on.